I know this is more than one question but they tie together.What advice would you give to a person that has been betrayed by their spouse?
I follow the saying, ';To err is human, to forgive is divine';...and yes I've been in their shoes, and all I'm going to say is that the year was 2003 and my husband's lover's name was ';Pam the Gym Rat';...What advice would you give to a person that has been betrayed by their spouse?
Think long and hard before you act upon your initial thoughts. My wife and I went through a very hard time. We betrayed each other. She with held affection from me and I in turn went and found affection outside our marriage. Had I not acted upon my first instinct which was I'm going to make her hurt the way I hurt we wouldn't have come so very very close to divorce. We wouldn't have put our son through so much like watching our relationship deteriorate, hearing the talk of divorce, wondering if it was his fault. Putting ourselves through hell trying our best to kill what was at the time an 11 yr marriage. Had we taken the time to communicate rather than try so hard to hurt each other none of this would have happened.
So to answer your question straight forward I'd say try your level best to communicate with your spouse (including marriage counseling) and find out why this happened and if you forgive them and decide to stay married to them, get guarantees that it will never happen again and make crystal clear in your spouses mind what will happen if you are ever betrayed again
I think it really depends on how long you have been together. I have only been with my husband for four years but I thought he had cheated on me and he told me that one of his friends cheated on his wife. I thought he was talking about himself. I told him I would never speak to him again and it would be over for sure. But I love him and if he could prove he would never do it again. I would stay with him. It would be a lot of him sleeping on the couch and his opinion doesn't mean anything until I said it did but I think once you find your soul mate or life companion and you are comfortable with your decision, sometimes you have to give second chances.
it depends on what the betrayal was. if he/she cheated then its a matter of why they did it. do they love the person they cheated on you with? was he/she so frustated sexually that he/she had to resort to unfaithfullness? don't automatically jusmp to conclusions. maybe the betrayer didnt mean for it to happen. if you look at situations that have happened in other marriages, you'll see that there are so many different scenarios that could've happened. but i could be wrong...the betrayer could just be a cheating spouse just like many other cheating spouses. they got tired of it at home and wanted 'variety' or what ever.in that case...**** em. make them want you back so bad they will do anything. show them what theyre missing. and if you want them back too then get back together...if you dont then theyll know the mistake they made for the rest of their life
I have been cheated on before. I found out 6 months ago that my husband cheated on me. So yes, I've been in their shoes.
First of all, my advice would be decide if you want to stay in the marriage or not. Look at yr spouse's behaviour etc.
Then get counselling. Individual and marriage counselling for BOTH of you. Especially for him (the cheater) - he needs to find out why he cheated and how to prevent it from happening again.
If you are staying, get a Plan B ready. Have a secret savings account. Know all your rights - will u get the house? custody of kids? etc. Invest 100% into your marriage (if you're staying) but also invest 100% into Plan B, because you never know what sh!t might hit you in the future.
Most importantly, take care of yourself.
this is the advice i was once given,
ride it out, stay away for a bit, no talk, no nothing, when u feel like it and when u know what U wanna do, u go talk to him/her just to see where he/she is at ...if u want u can just meet up with him/her once.. and really think about, what U want..now that u know how HE/SHE is feeling...
Ive tried it on couple of friends.. =S it has worked, its really hard to advice ppl on risky situations, so it depends how close of a friend u two are...
u have to make up ur mind do u wanna stay or go, if u stay will u be able to trust him again? my boyfriend has betrayed me over and over again, and for some reason i choose to stay with him, that's y i am so unhappy now, after 7 years, i want out i had enough, i wonder if i would have left him alone the 1st time he did it, would i be so hurt now!
My husband and I had been married for almost 20 years..Yes, he betrayed me..We had a large farm, lots of animals and a beautiful Log cabin home..We lived in central Florida (I still do)...After we separated, I left the home because of his temper and abuse and he went out and found himself a new girlfriend..but that isn't the only place he betrayed the whole family...He started telling the family within a short few months that the house and land were being foreclosed on..The Bank is taking it all..I kept asking him if he were keeping up with the payments and he wouldn't answer...The day came for the bank sale and he said after the bills were paid, he was left with less than 5, 000...This was on property and land and home worth almost half a million dollars...He said he lost it all...Gave me a few dollars..less than 1000 to help with my rent..Move forward about 6 years..Dear Christian hubby and I divorced and he moved to Asia and remarried..My oldest daughter is a mortgage broker and one day when she was bored, she started pulling up public records..entering Dad's name..Guess what came up..Dear hubby had SOLD everything..sold everything as an unmarried man...Sold our home, land, furniture, livestock..anything that wasn;t tied down.He sold as an unmarried man while we were still married..and he walked away with all the money and left the country..Left me and the children with nothing..nothing...almost homeless..my attorney tells me there is nothing I can do about it..even tho I lived in that house for 15 years, being his wife..I hear my EX is preaching on Sundays....
Move on, they obviously did. I've been in their shoes, more than once. The best thing is to not grovel or seem desperate by looking back, contacting or even seeming upset. This is the best slap in the face that you can deliver. They'll wonder why they weren't a big deal. Worked for me!!
well if you really love the person you marry and wanna be with him /her for the rest of your life, then give him/her a chance..all you need is TRUST..
im in the situation right now..and we are going very well (as of now)..
divorce! Anything else--any sign of complacency sends the message that u r a doormat!
you need to find out why first. even if you go your own way. that way you don't have a repeat later.
move on
its more practical
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