I'm 21 years old, So my answer isn't coming from the 1950's. I'm a 6'5'; 230 pound athlete with less than 10% body fat, and when i was in grade school i was always the biggest and the strongest, yet i got bullied everyday by kids much smaller than me, because i didn't have a mean bone in my body, and i still don't. I used to come home crying.
My dad told me to fight back, And i did. Needless to say i got suspended, but i maintained dignity. And from that point on i never let myself get bullied again.
What I'm saying is, In male culture you need to fight sometimes, and once you fight win or loose its over and you gain respect and the bullying ends. This is not how a tree hugging parent would teach, but your not dealing with tree hugging kids. If you go in there and tell the school it will only make things worse, it did for me. the bullies got a slap on the wrist, and i got made fun of more for having my mom stick up for me.
But mainly when it comes to bullying i would let the child's father talk to him about it, or a male figure he looks up to.
';Sticks and stones will break your bones, but sometimes words are worth fighting over';
P.S. I HATE fighting, but sometimes its necessary.
P.P.S. Look two men have answered your question so far and both say to stand up for yourself, women don't understand this.What advice can you give a 7yrs who has been bullied in school?
Being bullied has psychological impact on kids because it makes them feel helpless. Both of my sons (slightly built, decent kids) had run-ins with their respective bullies.
With the first one I politely talked with the principle, who assured me it would stop. This bullying was taking place on the bus. Years later I learned that this particular bully's family moved far away, the father set the house on fire, and the mother and two troubled little boys were killed. This kid was a problem for more people than just my son, and the school should have reported the family to social services.
It was less serious with my second son, but there was this giant, stupid, immature, kid who just kind of harrassed and harrassed and harrased my son. This wasn't the evil type of bullying the other kid did. This was stupid harrassment by a stupid, giant, kid who knew my son was smaller than he was. My son tried to deal with it for a good long time. He'd come home and complain about this pain-in-the-neck kid.
With both of my sons they both said the same thing when they were going through the bullying. They both said, ';I could hurt him if I wanted to, but I don't want to, and so he wins.'; Both of my sons had consciences (the way normal kids do) and held back on fighting back because they didn't want to hurt the bully. The bullies took advantage of that (or else they thought my sons were not capable of fighting back). Because both of my sons were slight they knew if they were to fight they'd have to fight ';for real'; because their size meant there would be no ';half-way'; fighting.
One day I was in my car, watching my kids at the park. Along came the giant, stupid, kid and he started harrassing and harrassing and harrassing my son. I waited for a minute to see what my son did, and he didn't do much. He knew this kid was (for lack of a nicer term) a loser kid. Finally, I got out of the car and went over to the kid and said, ';I have been watching you harrass him and harrass him, and I'm sick of it. If you dare to go near him again I will call your mother and the school, and I will make sure you get into real trouble.'; Later I told my son I was sorry I had intervened but couldn't help it, and he said, ';No. I'm glad you did.';
Go to the school and politely tell them it has to stop. You don't care how they stop it, but it must stop. Your son has a right to be in school and not be threatened. Ask them what steps they will take to assure that the bully doesn't have the opportunity to bully your son again. Tell them to take away the bully's recess, kick him off the bus, call his mother, or call child services. Tell them to put someone from the school out in the playyard to keep an eye on the bully. Tell them to tell this kid that you came to the school and are going to call the police on him if he doesn't knock it off because you're sick of it.
Give it a few days to see if it stops, and if it doesn't contact your school committee for starters and anyone else you want to contact and point out that if your child continues to be bullied you aren't above suing the school district over it.
Before you go to the school you may want to give your son money that is marked. If the bully takes the money that you put, say, nailpolish on, the principle could ask him to empty his pockets. It may increase your chances of being believed.
Little kids of seven aren't usually worried that they'll be embarrassed if their mother goes to the school. They're little enough to still want adults to do something to solve their problem. Older kids are different, but he's not older.
For kids with the isolated bully situation the long-term impacts probably aren't much of anything. Its the kids who go through school being bullied over and over again for years that suffer real damage. In the short-term, your son may feel helpless and frustrated with himself because he may be too decent a kid to really hurt the bully and because he may dislike himself for the fact that the bully wins every time. He may also feel embarrassed to come out as the ';weaker one'; in these confrontations. I would imagine if you discuss with him the fact that most decent people have a bully in their lives at one time or another he won't have any long-term psychological problems.
If you step in and stop the problem he will, however, come to see you as someone who ';was there'; to protect him when he needed it and not someone who left him on his own to deal with it. There are adults who cannot deal with bullies for the simple reason that they don't want to take a skillet and bash the bully's head in. There will be a time when you son will be old enough to want to deal with this kind of thing on his own, but it isn't that time just yet. There are restraining orders for grown women who can't win when dealing with a bully. A little guy of seven can't be expected to handle it on his own.
There is one other thing: You could ask him if he feels comfortable going to the office himself and asking to speak with someone in private. If he could do this it would allow him to see that problems can be handled ';through channels'; . He would most likely get results and feel good about that. You have to trust that the teachers/school officials would know how to handle it. In our society we usually handle disputes in our court system. Fighting it out physically isn't acceptable. If you're worried that he has no father figure to teach him how to punch someone more effectively I don't necessarily think that would be the right approach anyway.
TERRIBLE!!! Do not tolerate this!!! The school needs to address this!! I wouldn't take no for an answer. School is supposed to be a ';safe'; place and with today鈥檚 knowledge of bullies in the schools.. the schools should not be tolerating this.
The long-term impacts are bad... no one should be treated this way.
If the school doesn't do something then I would call the police and the child protective services... plus the bully is probably in an abusive situation and needs help.
I would not take it.. it's your job as a parent to protect your child. If that means he doesn't go to school until this is resolved ... then so be it!!!
My son was getting picked on the school bus and the school has a no tolerance for bullying and had my son point out the kid in a series of pictures they had... that kid never rode the bus again!!!
Talk to the school counselor too!!
Good luck and don't back down!! I'm with you!!!
My son was going through this and we tried the normal route with the teachers and then the principal and councelor. But they really weren't able to do anything.
Then I tought my son how to defend himself. I told him to never start a fight, but never run from one either.
He popped the kid right in the face one time and that was all it took. The kid didn't bother him again.
Not because he the kid got hit in the face, but because the kid new that he would have real retaliation to deal with and it wouldn't be fun any more...
Teach your kid to defend himself, or send him to karate school.
But DON'T let him be afraid to stand up to the bad guy or he always will be afraid...
:o)
Jerry
SING.
Solar Plexus.
Instep.
Nose.
Groin.
If a lone bully corners your kid, he has to punch that guy in the nose with everything he's got (look to be handing over money with left hand, punch with right). Then punch him in the stomach (one-two-three), and stomp on his feet.
Your kid is going to get a beating for this, but it might be worth it. Been there, done that.
This is a univerisal problem. Eventually he will need to stand on his own two feet and deal with bullies by himself. I had a problem like this at one time and at first mom and dad went through the school and tried to get the problem taken care of. Finally I had enough and got into a fight. I didn't win/lose the fight, but I stood my ground. After that I didn't have anymore problems with being bullied as they knew I wouldn't take their crap anymore. My parents understood why I did what I did and I was 'grounded' while I was out of school. My dad then took me for a drive and asked what happened during the fight and told me I did the right thing in protecting myself and that even though I was being punished, I did what I had to do and he understood.
I growed up be picked for a while. I stopped it when I started taking up for myself. He needs to pick the biggest one of the bunch and attempt with everything he has got to kick their ***. That will show them he is not scared, and not going to put up with it, the rest of the kids will not want to fool with him since he started with the biggest first. This is the real world, I don't advocate fighting, but sometimes you have to do it. He will gain respect and they will find someone else to pick on. I'd rather my child stand up for himself and get a bruise or two than be humiliated every day, and lose his self respect.
Yeah, the kid's got to stand up for himself. If he doesn't he'll be messed up for the rest of his life. Try to get him in martial arts or someting.
Talk to the school. The school is under legal obligation to provide your child a safe environment, the moment your child enters the premises of the school custodianship has just been transferred and he becomes their responsibility. In the mean time try talking to the parents, and explaining the situation. If the situation doesn't change, get some kind of hidden camera device like spy glasses or a voice recorder and plant it on your child, once you have enough evidence, get ready to take legal action against both the parents and the school.
you need to tell your son to fight the other kid. he might get beat up but the bully will most likely stop picking on him because he knows if he does there will be a fight.
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